Shades
by LecTRicK.RaiNBoW
Summary: AU: Takes place in 2009. 1st Person. Crack. Allen Walker has a secret obsession with cross-dressing, especially make-up. He transfers to a new school in America, and somehow manages his double-life quite well, for now.
1. Chapter 1

WARNING: CRACK ENSUES. Crack pairings, excessively ridiculous amounts of sparkling shiny redundant descriptions, and adjectives that basically say the same exact thing at least more than one time in a row. Like that sentence. And most likely there will be out of character-ness. I have no idea how the pairings will develop, or how the plot will develop. If you have any suggestions for plot twists or anything, feel free to tell me.

* * *

**-|Approximately 5 years earlier. (Somewhere around/during 2004)|-**

It all started out as mere admiration; a hint of a blush on a businesswoman's cheeks as she walked hurriedly to the workplace, the lead singer in that one 80's band with the excessive amount of eyeliner, and, especially, the vast multitude of women at the dinner parties I used to attend with Cross and their various different shades of lipstick. I not only noticed these things. I looked forward to seeing them. At first, I thought it was a normal thing... for a young boy to be attracted to all these lovely ladies. But then, more and more, I started realizing that I not only liked to look, but, more than anything, wanted to _be_ like them. _I, _Allen Walker, _wanted _to be able to look this beautiful. After this realization, I slowly grew to be increasingly accustomed to this world of vanity.

I learned how to acquire this thing called 'make-up' and began to practice applying it in the privacy of my bedroom. Cross never really worried about the reason for why I was being so quiet. Apathy was just like him, I suppose. And on the off chance that he would ask about it, I would just claim that I was reading a book. Even, on the even less likely chance, when he would bother opening the door, my furniture was conveniently organized to conceal my peculiar behaviors. I would simply wash my face, using the (somewhat vulgar) excuse that I had been sweating, and stash my materials back into the drawers of my vanity. I had become an expert at sneaking around, often going to local salons to observe the techniques of the professionals. It was necessary if I wanted to keep up with this life.

**-|Present Day - September 1, 2009|-**

About a week ago, Cross decided to relocate us to America, a rather small, quaint town; Pickets, Wisconsin, right on the Mississippi River. Low population, anyway, but it had more business than the average town. I'd been enrolled in the local high school's 10th grade class, as of yesterday, and the year's first term started the next day. I'm actually not quite sure whether or not to look forward to this. I mean, transferring schools is one thing, for lack of a non-clichéd line, 'been there, done that,' but moving to a different country? This experience was a bit new for me. At least I wouldn't really have to worry too much about grades, they were easily attainable. And I was already finished unpacking, so I had most of my time leftover to play.

I looked at my watch - 1:30 PM - I had _hours_ before I would have to be in bed, and I was just anxious for the day to be over. The next day would be the end of my summertime blues. I pulled out my trusty make-up bag, and as I was about to open it, my bedroom door whipped open with an earsplitting _CRACK, _as it banged up against the wall next to it. Cross.

"Hey, Kid. We're getting you a haircut, so you look decent for school," my shady uncle announced plainly.

"W-what?" I responded, stupidly, as if I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. My hair had become a complete disaster lately.

"I know you're not the brightest, Kid, but at least try to act a little smarter than that, okay? You have five minutes to be on the front porch." He verbally abused my poor, innocent, adorable self.

"What if I'm not?" I rebelled, which was also kind of stupid of me.

Cross gave me his '_don't you back-sass me, boy_'-glare, and I shut up. "_If_ you aren't out there in _exactly_ five minutes, I'll just have to come up here and drag your scrawny ass out to the car, won't I?"

I gulped, my eyes widening like a little girl's when she _finally_ gets that Barbie mansion she wanted, but in fear instead of excitement. "Yes, Uncle." I started pulling on my _awesome _black boots as Cross turned around and walked down the hallway, smirking his usual triumphant smirk of victory.

By the time I had reached the front porch, Cross had already turned the shiny, metal key in the shiny, pimp-red Ferrari's ignition. _VROOOOOM, VROOOOOM._ The manly vehicle sounded as it's engine started, a warning to me, not that Cross would soon leave without me, but that he would soon be running me down, and taking the house along with me, if I did not '_get my _ass _into the damn car,_' so I proceeded to 'get my ass into the damn car,' and we were off.

A few minutes later, after Cross' constant glaring at the road, swearing at passersby, and speeding more than 10 miles over the limit, we arrived at the hair salon. I started walking toward the door, and turned around to learn that, apparently, Cross would rather help his lung-health deteriorate with his cancer sticks than go into the salon with me.

He threw a twenty dollar bill at my ankles. "Tell the person cutting your hair that if you're not out by the time I finish this, your _loving_ uncle will throw a chair at them, and then I'll leave, and you'll have to walk back home," he threatened.

I nodded violently, picked up the twenty, and continued into the salon.

The woman at the counter smiled a smile so bright and shiny and sparkly that it was obviously fake, but I returned it as genuinely as possible, anyway. "Hello, young man. One of our dressers will be out for you in just a minute," she said through her smiling teeth, pressing a small white button that I assumed was some sort of pager to the break room.

After about 30 seconds, a dark-skinned man with brown, curly hair trotted fashionably toward me from the door at the back of the shop.

"Oh, baby!" He exclaimed, as if he were put into a serious state of shock as soon as he had laid his eyes upon my hair. "Honey, you need a haircut, seriously... but I suppose that's why you're here, isn't it?" His shocked expression turned into a warm smile. "I bet you'll be adorable after I'm done with you. Come, come. Sit down!" He continued, grabbing my arm and pulling me into one of the height-adjustable chairs.

As he wrapped the cape around me, his smile growing from warm to increasingly creepy every second he looked at me, I relayed Cross's threat, and added, "I'm not entirely sure if he was serious about the chair-throwing bit, but I _know_ he'll leave me here alone, so, I sincerely hate to rush you, but can you make this quick?" I asked, looking up at the man with a pleading expression and my best set of puppy-dog eyes.

"I don't know, sweetie. I can't rush beauty, so we'll see." He smirked, probably thinking something like '_if he gets left behind, I'll just have to escort him home._' Then he started attempting to make the small talk that all hair-stylists love. "So, school starts tomorrow, right-... uhm.. what's your name again?"

"A-Allen. Allen Walker." I stuttered, I wasn't sure if I should appreciate his curiosity, or be frightened by it. I decided to appreciate it as much as I could. "And yeah, that's why I'm getting the hair cut today."

"Nice to meet you, Allen. I'm Tyki." He responded, gesturing to his name tag with the hand that was holding the scissors.

**-|Divider|-**

After long enough, Tyki had finished with my hair. I was more relieved that Cross hadn't barged in like he had threatened than I was to be out from under the clutches of Mr. Mikk, as I had learned was the tan man's last name. I handed the money Cross had given me to the smiling woman at the counter, and ran out of the salon hoping like _bloody hell_ that I would see the Ferrari still sitting in the parking lot, ignoring the waving Tyki.

My hopes were crushed. Just as I had reached the parking spot where the impressive, manly sports car had been parked, I saw it rolling out of the parking lot and back onto the road on its way back into the residential area of town. I really did always have the _best_ timing.

I sat down on the curb outside of the building, with my head in my hands, reluctant to begin my long walk home, just as Tyki came strolling out, his now-folded apron slung over his shoulder.

"Hey, Allen, didn't expect to see you still sitting out here." He stated, although what he really meant was '_I was watching you from the time you walked out of my salon._'

I looked up at him and gave a slight 'it's all your fault' glare.

"I know. How about I give you a ride home? Would that make up for it?" He offered, actually meaning, '_I want to take you into an alley and rape you._'

I nodded, not knowing the man's true thoughts, not yet understanding the full extent of his creepiness, and gave him my address.

**-|Divider|-**

I arrived home to see a very angry Cross standing on the porch, and glaring down at Tyki's very sexy, not-so-manly, metallic purple Mustang convertible. Tyki handed me an index card as I climbed out of the automobile, and murmured something, seeming to think that Cross couldn't hear it. Little did he know; Cross hears all. "Here's my card. Call me if you need anything... And _I mean anything_, Allen." He cooed, like the creepy-pedophile-stalker-man that he was.

I took the card and ran to my room as fast as I could to avoid Cross's, excuse my pun, Cross-examination, then locked my door and thanked the architects of this house that there actually _was_ a lock on this door.

* * *

Yes, Allen has a vanity with a mirror attached, as opposed to a normal dresser. (I think that's probably uncommon for males, but he needs the mirror to do his hair anyway, so it works for him, and is definitely not suspicious, as long as you don't go through his drawers.)

The main pairing in this fic is Laven, but there will most likely be some Poker Pair involved... and... well, Tyki x anyone, really, because... c'mon! It's _Tyki_ we're talking about here.

Also, as far as I know, there is no real town in America named "Pickets", and I'm too lazy to look it up, so I'm going to say that I made it up... which means if anything resembles any real life stuff, it's wrong! Don't believe it. D

Also, the reason he wasn't completely enthralled by the going-ons in the salon was because freaking _Tyki Mikk_ was his dresser. He was probably too busy being hit on.

Now for a character introduction (Planning on doing one per chapter at the moment):

Name: Allen Walker

*British. Yay.

*(Secretly) Obsessed with cross-dressing, but mostly make-up.

*Unofficial birthday is on Christmas.

*Adorably innocent and stuff.

*Totally raepable.

*Entirely unaware of how much jailbait he is to Tyki.


	2. Chapter 2

New chapter now, yaaaayy~! (Everyone, say it with me, okay?)

Beta note: If you see this face: 83, your cat is being raped by your neighbour.

* * *

**-|First Day of School! - September 2, 2009|-**

Upon awakening the next lovely, amazing, fantastic, bright, sunshiny morning, I recalled the events of the previous evening. The nice man at the salon, the car ride home, _and _Cross' rant afterwards. If I remember it clearly, it happened something like this...

**-|**_**Flashback – The previous night**_**|-**

_Cross stomped up the stairs after me, yelling the entire way, like the ugly, mean, raging, rampaging jerk-face that he normally was. "Is _he_ the reason you were taking so long with your goddamn haircut yesterday? I swear, I leave you alone for _five _minutes and-"_

_"Ten!" I corrected after cutting him off._

_"Shut up. As I was saying: I leave you alone for _ten _minutes and you start hanging out with strange older men!"_

_"So what if he's strange? You left me alone. I had to get home somehow, Uncle."_

_"Go to sleep!"_

_And I did._

_**-|**_**Return to the present|-**

Basically, it was quite a normal day. Do what Cross forces me to do, then get scolded by him for doing so.

After reminiscing over the not-so-spectacular, average, ordinary, everyday-type of day I had yesterday, I threw on the uniform of my new school and glanced sadly at my shiny, sparkly, reflective, silver mirror before pulling on my boots and leaving my smallish, square, bedroom. I grabbed my schoolbag on the way out the door, and began my long, perilous, painful, murderous journey to the high school, two blocks down the road from point A.

I arrived at school that day, only to be met with many curious stares of amazement, wonder, and, last but certainly not least, curiosity. Apparently, the citizens of this town weren't accustomed to new people moving in. They looked at me as if I were intruding upon some sort of super-secret club meeting or something. Even though they all seemed so obviously intent on questioning me, only one of them actually had the nerve to approach me - a smiling, sparkling, young female with ridiculously long, black hair. As she came closer to me, I realized that she was taller than me. Great, at least I was taller than the _girls_ at my old school.

While I was busy focusing on our height differences, she started shrieking at me in her obnoxiously high-pitched, girly voice. "Hi, you're new. You're British, right? I heard about you. My name's Lenalee Lee. Nice to meet you!" The girl said excitedly, words shooting out of her mouth at such a rapid pace that it was almost impossible to actually understand her. Luckily, this is written out for you so that you won't have the same difficulty that I had.

"Yes, I'm new. I'm British. The name's Allen Walker." I responded, still slightly bummed about her obvious lack of shortness.

"I bet my friends would just love you! Well, _one_ of them is _sure_ to love you, the other one hates just about everything."

"Oh, that sounds absolutely wondrous..." I paused a moment, realizing something, then pointing it out to her in question. "Wait. You only have two friends?" I mean, I wasn't the _most_ popular person, but that just seemed a little off, especially because this girl was so, well... _sparkly_. Normally, people that sparkle so much would be very charismatic.

"Yep. Only two of them," she confirmed. "Well, _everybody_ loves me, and _most_ of them wish they could be so much more like me, but those two social misfits are the only ones that I actually consider special enough to be _friends,_" she continued, a grin on her face, huger and whiter than any other I had seen in a long, long time. Yet, for some reason, I felt that hers was the _strangest_ explanation for anything that I had heard ever, as well.

"Oh, great! Well, now that we're introduced, I'd like to announce that I skipped breakfast this morning. Where can I find food? Can I buy that here?" I replied, hoping ever-so-very-desperately that the girl would have even the slightest idea of where to find said breakfast food.

"Food? Yeah. I'm my class' class president this year, so I have a key to the teacher's lounge. There's normally some extra food in that fridge. Just remember: It's only safe if it's unlabeled. I'll take you there right away."

I didn't say anything else. I'm assuming that she could tell how grateful I was by looking at the expression on my face. I followed her to the previously mentioned 'teacher's lounge', and was especially glad that she hadn't attempted a conversation on the way there. I was worried that if I opened my mouth before at least _seeing_ some food, I would probably end up chowing down on whatever object I could manage to fit into my mouth. Last time that happened, it was a pencil. Ugh. Bad memories.

When we got to the room, I waited patiently for her to unlock and open the door, and immediately ran to the tall, silver fridge on the opposite end of the room. I then proceeded to eat some old potato salad I found in the back of the fridge. I was shocked to find out how amazingly delicious and scrumptious it was, despite it's seemingly quite old age for a salad of the potato variety.

**-|Divider|-**

After finishing the magnificent potato salad, the school day fast-forwarded through the first five periods of class, and extra introductions, straight to lunch period, as if by some sort of magic!

Lunch. Ahh, lunch. Lunch meant food. And food had always been my very best friend... next to make-up, that is. I trudged through the lunch line impatiently, my stomach howling with hunger.

Tray of unappetizing, gross, disgusting-looking food in hand, I scanned the cafeteria for a vacant seat. Suddenly, I heard a familiar, high-pitched voice. Turning around to find the source of the noise, I discovered that it was the same girl that I had met earlier. She was jumping up and down at a table on the other end of the room with her two friends. A smiling redhead with an eye patch, and a brooding Asian with black hair longer than the girl's. '_Gee, I wonder which one of them hates everything,_' I thought.

"Allen! Allen! Over here! Over here!" the Chinese girl cried.

I strode over to her table, reluctantly, but obediently. "Hey, uh... Lenalee, right?"

"Yeah! You remembered!" She smiled her freakishly huge, bright, shining smile at me once more, then proceeded to introduce her companions, pointing to each one respectively, she started with the redhead. "This is Lavi. He's a stripper. He's really nice and easily distracted." She then gestured toward the Asian. "And thiiis is Kanda. He doesn't like anything. And he's always angry," she ended, emphasizing the word 'this' by holding it out longer.

"Hey, Brit! Lenalady's told me all about you!" Lavi said, and paused for a moment, pursing his lips slightly. "Well, as much as she knew, anyway. Which is actually a surprisingly scanty amount of information." He shrugged.

"Yo," Kanda greeted me, obviously not wanting to further our conversation.

"Well, it is a pleasure to meet the two of you, I must say." I didn't bother adding my name this time, assuming that Lenalee had already informed them. After my introduction, anyone who interrupted my eating was met with a harsh glare. No one messes with Allen's feeding time and gets away with it.

**-|Divider|-**

The three of us being all finished up with our eating, and with a few minutes left of the lunch period, Lenalee decided to attempt for another conversation.

"So, have you gotten a chance to go out and about the town yet, Allen?" she asked, smiling a slightly smaller, but still just as bright as usual smile.

"Err... not except for my haircut yesterday," I stated.

"Really? Dude! Brit-man! You need to get out more! Seriously, _how_ long have you lived here?" the redhead exclaimed, intruding on mine and Lenalee's conversation. Not that I really minded.

"Oh, just... a few weeks, I guess," I muttered.

Lenalee cut in again, "Oh! You know where the hair salon is? My brother owns a coffee shop right next to that place! The four of us can go there after school!"

Lavi smiled hopefully, clearly wanting this opportunity to become better accompanied with my personality, and not my body. And Kanda nodded stoically.

"Coffee shop? That sounds fine." I thought deeply about her claim. The only building near the hair salon that I could remember was a really dark-looking place called 'The Black Order'. I seriously hoped she wasn't planning on dragging me into that scary, mysterious, creepy, ominous place.

* * *

Cliff-hanger! Dun, dun, dun. What is this _mysterious_ Black Order place? _Is_ The Black Order Lenalee's brother's coffee shop? If so, what kind of person could Lenalee's brother be? Was he a murderer? A mad scientist? Or he could even be... A SERIAL RAPIST! Find out all about Lenalee's mysterious brother and the ominous Black Order in the next episode of _Shades!_

While I was writing this, I was watching Castle in the Sky, The Nanny, aaaaand listening mostly to Motion City Soundtrack, and my sister reading "My Immortal" (hahahaha). Aaaand I was conspiring with my sister and friend, who has the same name as mine. Yay! And listening to my sister's ramblings to her friend, Mary-J – who is also on Fanfiction. As Darmed. LOL ADVERTISING.

And I honestly think this chapter gets less entertaining as it goes on, so if you agree, tell me! D:

Character Introduction!:

Name: Tyki Mikk  
*Very fashion-conscious  
*Constantly eyeball-raeps Allen.  
*Wishes he could do more.  
*'Taste-the-Rainbow'-gay.  
*Ele fala Português. (But I don't, thus, he probably won't use the language much. [I hate translators..] :/ )  
*Owns the Hair Salon.

Additional Allen facts:

*Bottomless pit.  
*Does not like to be interrupted when eating.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I know, it's ridiculous. D:  
Quick recap: Last chapter was a slow annoying recap of Allen's first day of school. He met Lavi, Lenalee, and Kanda. The chapter ended at the end of their lunch, with them making plans to visit Lenalee's brother's café.  
Chapter three, here we go!

(This chapter is dedicated to my betareader, Darmed, so, except for normal self-proof-reading, it goes unbeta'd.)

* * *

My hopes were soon crushed.

**-----|September 2, 2009; approximately 2:25 PM|-----**

After breezing through the introduction stages of the last two classes of the day, I had met the others outside the school's front door, as we had planned at lunch.

"Okay, so, like, the building might, like, totally look a little bit.. scary from the outside, but don't be afraid! Because, like, on the inside, it's all like, well, you know..." Lenalee tried to reassure me in her annoying, teen-aged-girl-ish manner.

"Tch." Kanda 'tch'ed. "You think _that's_ scary? Try--" Lavi rudely cut off the tall, mean, scary, abusive, Japanese teen in a very impolite manner, before he could even _begin_ his first real monologue in the story.

"Let the poor kid bed, guys. He'll see when he gets there."

I was nervous and scared and definitely not ready for the imminent, unending tortures the shop in my mind would provide me with. I was entirely senseless as I was led to a car, and I distinctly remember wetting myself a little as I climbed into the back seat. Lenalee noticed my obvious distress and attempted to aid me in not passing out.

Too late.

**-----|Lavi|-----**

I watched Allen nervously from behind as he, Lenalee, and I followed Kanda to his uncharacteristically tiny, wimpy car. He looked unwell, and seemed to be growing paler by the second, if that was even possible. It was as if something has... frightened him... tremendously.

Nah, that couldn't be it.

I continued watching him.

_'Oh, what's this?' _I noticed that Allen had an incredibly cute butt. Like, wow. It... it was cute.

He staggered a little, but overall didn't have too much trouble walking though the parking lot. No, it was when he was getting into the car that the real trouble came. Lenalee helped him in, sitting next to him on the right side of Kanda's small, shoe-esque vehicle, but it wasn't enough to keep him from collapsing onto the seat.

Luckily, I was already on the left side of the car, and had, by the magical force of romantic fanfiction law, managed to already be sitting to his left in time to have him fall on my shoulder instead of hitting the worn-out, hardish, ugly seats. I wrapped my arm around him protectively, not wanting him to sway back over to Lenalee's side. I told her it was because I didn't want him to hurt her, which could have been part true at the time, but now I think it was mostly because I wanted him to myself.

"K-Kanda! Allen is like, totally.. dead!" Lenalee cried dramatically in her squeaky, high-pitched, babyish, excessively-feminine-for-anyone voice.

"He's _not_ dead. He just.. fainted." Normally, I would have said "passed out" because _men don't faint _but I figured Allen was a definite exception to this rule. After all, he was so frail and delicate and fragile and seemed to be just like a porcelain doll: delicate, fragile, breakable, and frail. I gazed upon him tenderly, wishing I could hold him this close for eternity.

Kanda grunted in response. I was glad he was too busy driving to notice the way I was treating Allen. I had managed to spare myself one of his "get a room" comments.

Instead of rushing to the hospital like we should have done, like any intelligent, good-natured, self-respecting person would have done in our situation, Kanda took us straight to Komui's café. It apparently didn't seem too ridiculously idiotic to him at the time, because he didn't seem to have any second thought about it. Or maybe he already hated Allen. Who knows? The point is, we did _not_ make the wisest decision.

I guess it turned out okay in the end, though. No permanent damage seemed to be done to the poor, innocent, sparkling, young, innocent, adorable, naive, chaste young man. After all, he _did _wake up after Kanda shook him enough, once we had reached our destination.

**-----|Allen|-----**

I was rudely awakened by rough, brusque, hard, rapid shaking from the hands of the angry, mean, possibly misunderstood?, definitely misguided character called Kanda. I felt that this sort of rude awakening was especially rude and ill-mannered of him to perform, but I didn't say anything of his lack of good behavior. Instead, I started complaining like Lenalee during her "time of the month" (whatever that means) about how much my head hurt because of the violent shaking.

"What the _Hell?_ You're giving me such a bloody headache, Yuu."

Kanda removed the tight grip his hands had on my shoulders, and glared harder than his normal glare. I assumed this meant he was angry specifically at me, instead of his usual (as described by Lavi and Lenalee to me at lunch) "mad at the world" state.

"Yo, Brit, dude, Allen," Lavi stammered awkwardly, his face a slight shade of pink, as if something extremely awkward had just happened to him. "Don't call him 'Yuu', he might kill you." He continued his warning. I wasn't sure whether or not to take it as a joke, but I decided to play it safe.

"A-anyway," Lavi continued, turning his head, probably to avoid letting me see his face turn an even brighter, almost red, shade of pink. "You passed out suddenly back in the school parking lot. I mean, I had to..." Suddenly, his face burst into color. I had no idea why at this point, he would have such a reaction to whatever he was about to say, but he couldn't seem to finish his sentence, so I looked to Lenalee for answers.

"OH. EM. GEE. ALLEN, YOU TOTALLY FAINTED IN THE CAR. LAVI PUT HIS ARM AROUND YOU TO KEEP YOU FROM FALLING ALL OVER THE PLACE WHILE KANDA DROVE US OVER HERE!" After my ears stopped bleeding from her hideously loud, high-pitched voice, I blushed, suddenly understanding Lavi's embarrassment.

I tried to put it out of my mind. After all, I already had enough with my ears still ringing from Lenalee's torture. I mean, what the Hell was that chick's bloody problem? Anyway, it was natural, wasn't it? For one friend to help out another? There was nothing to be embarrassed about, was there? Although, I guess we had just met that day.. I'm sure that was it, there's no other plausible explanation for it.

"Oh. Right, well, thanks, Lavi." I smiled a gracious smile at him, thankful for his thank-worthy act of kindness and generosity.

"Speaking of 'here', where are we?" I continued. I had assumed "here" was in a hospital room, but realized that there were no stretchers or medical equipment in sight, and that I was definitely still in a car, whether or not it was Kanda's car, I couldn't recall.

"Oh, well, like, this is totally my big brother's, like, coffee shop, yeah!" Lenalee explained, very gratefully in a much calmer, quieter tone.

Suddenly, I had an ominous feeling again.

I was helped out of the car by both Lavi and Kanda, Lenalee watched the chivalry show from the sidelines.

"OH EM GEEEEE! YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET!" Kanda immediately let go after hearing this most disgusting comment from Lenalee's disgusting, annoying, gross mouth. Lavi threw my arm over his shoulder and continued to escort me into the building.

_'Ohshit.' _I thought when I actually realized what the building was. I read the sign, a feeling of utter, terrible dread welling up inside me.

"The Black Order."

"YEAH, THAT'S LIKE, TOTALLY THE NAME OF MY BROTHER'S COFFEE SHOP. AND, LIKE, IT'S TOTALLY WHERE WE ARE NOW. LIKE, TOTALLY." Lenalee announced.

Despite my huge sense of dread, I had no choice but to continue into the building. Had I resisted, Lavi and Kanda would have dragged me in, and my super awesome, sexy, spectacular, black, shiny boots would have been ruined.

The inside of the store was just like a stereotypical café: a small stage with a centered microphone and a tall bar stool behind it, various tables, the entire decor with a dark theme, perfect for those poetry reading sessions where everyone snapped instead of clapping.

An asian-looking man with long, black hair, glasses, and wearing a long, black trenchcoat with a fancy, French, artsy, black beret approached usquickly, so much more quickly than I had expected from the normally mellow owners of one of these very stereotypical coffee shops.

"Lenalee! I miiisssed yooouuu! Where were you all day?" The man whined. I had assumed at this point that this man was Lenalee's brother.

"Komui, I was, like, at school again, you dummy." She explained as if this happened every day. "Oh, this is Allen, he's new. And, like, British! Allen, this is my brother, Komui. He's a hippie, and uses almost all of his money from the shop to fund his crazy experiments."

Before I could say anything, Komui moved in close, glaring. "You'd better not even think about touching my Lenalee." He threatened. Apparently, my blank, confused stare meant to him that I already had. "Wait, you two already had... had... _SEX_, didn't you? Didn't you? What did you do to my little sister, brat?!" I wouldn't have been surprised if his eyes started glowing red.

Kanda and Lavi sighed in unison, apparently Komui had acted the same way when each one of them was introducted to him.

"What's sex?" I said. "Is that some sort of candy?" Komui furrowed his eyebrows and backed away.

"Well, it seems you're okay, kid."

"Uh, okay? Nice to meet you, too, Komui."

Kanda and Lavi attempted to stifle what seemed to be a huge amount of laughter, for some reason. I don't know what was so funny, but it didn't work. As soon as we sat down at the closest table, they cracked up. Lenalee remained talking to Komui, and followed him to the cash-register-lined counter.

"Nice one! I didn't know you had it in you, shortie!" Kanda stated through his laughter. I suddenly realized how awkward it was to see Kanda's disturbed countenance smiling.

"Had _what?_" I asked, confusedly. I was still incredibly confused about what the reason for this amount of laughter.

"C'mon, Brit. Don't tell me you were being serious back there. I mean.. '_What's sex?'.._ Seriously, props, Allen!" Lavi retorted, laughing even more obnoxiously than before. I stared blankly once more, blinking multiple times. "Wait. You _weren't _serious, were you?" I continued staring blankly, still blinking innocently.

"Uh.. How to do this..?" Lavi pondered aloud. His eyes widened immediately after. "Oh! I know! Hey, Kanda! Heads, I tell him. Tails, you tell him!" He whipped a quarter out of his wallet and it immediately flew into the air, landing on the table and laying flat after spinning two or three times. It landed with tails face up. Lavi wished him luck, for a reason that I would soon understand.

"Well, it's.. uh.." I could tell the Japanese teen was growing even more frustrated than he usually was. He gestured with his finger for me to move closer, and met me halfway. He whispered something in my ear.

My eyes widened. "You mean.. they're not the same?" He whispered some more. "Oh.. oh, dear."

As we pulled away from each other, Lenalee appeared at the table, slamming down a tray with four cups of what I assumed were all various coffees, and a plethora of cakes and cookies. I looked down to avoid making eye contact. I would need some extra time to process this new information.

Lenalee passed out coffees. "Me, Kanda, Lavi, and.. Allen, I think you'll like this one." She smiled her glaringly bright, obnoxious, disagreebly sparkling smile. I shrugged and took a sip of the coffee. It was good, but I wasn't impressed until she continued. "Oh! And all the food is for you, too. Because, you, like, totally can eat that much, right?"

I was ecstatic, and, if it wouldn't have led to a possible straight pairing, would have hugged her hard right then and there.

* * *

I.. I just want the chapter length to be somewhat consistent with the first two.

We'll pick this back up in chapter 4. :D

I hope you liked it, Mary-Jay! (You know, hypothetically speaking!)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Left off at a weird point last chapter, so I'm going to pretty much continue from there. :D As I mentioned in author's note at the beginning of the second chapter of _Playtime,_ I am dedicating this chapter of _Shades_ to both my sister, and my friend, Darmed. (If you haven't read it, _Playtime, _yet, go do so now! Quick! Before it runs away! Or not, I guess it's up to you.)

Anywho, sorry this took so long to update, guys. You know I love you! You keep the rocket ship that is my dreams full of fuel! Or, maybe my dreams are something a bit less epic, like.. a moped... Yeah. You keep the moped that is my dreams filled with fuel! :'D

Also, I did not have this chapter beta-read, as it was partially a surprise for my beta-reader. :D

* * *

Waiting for Lenalee to sit down, only out of politeness, I immediately downed half of the moist, tasty, delectable, sugary, sweet, delicious pastries in what seemed to be, instead of many small bites or nibbles, just one, long, continuous, seemingly-endless, wide-mouthed, sparkling, loud gulp. "Wow, Lenalee, your brother is amazing at baking! Those pastries were so moist, tasty, delectable, sugary, sweet, and delicious! You must be proud!" I commented excitedly, in an excited manner, with an excited tone of voice.

Lenalee giggled loudly in her obnoxiously high-pitched voice. "Oh, like, aren't they, though? They, like, weren't made by Komui, though, like, lucky for you. He can't, like, bake to, like, save his life! A different man, like, Jeryy bakes, like, all of our pastries. Komui just, like, builds, and, like, fixes the, like, kitchen equipment, silly. But yes, we are quite proud of Jeryy." She giggled once more. I had no idea what she meant by "we", but at this point, I assumed she meant herself and Komui.

**-|In the kitchen of the café.|-**

Suddenly, Komui sensed an insult coming from the mouth of his adorable, cute, lovable, precious baby sister. Sweet, caring Lenalee had just said something... bad... about _him. _He broke down into tears and wept openly, falling to his hands and knees on the fake marble tiled kitchen flooring. For this, he could not stand. After a few moments of weeping so openly, out in the open, he heard the sound of footsteps, at first faint, but louder and more frequent as they grew closer. Even for this, however, his tears did not stop; his eyes did not open.

It was not until the footsteps stopped, and a strong arm wrapped around him from the warm body that was pressed up against him that he finally looked up, eyes opening slowly, into the face of his comforter, his good friend who was always there for him, Jeryy.

"Oh, Jeryy," Komui started, and was pulled too his feet by the man's other arm. "You're such a good friend, and you're always there for me. Thank you, but you really don't have to be so kind to me." He nuzzled his head into his friend's neck.

"Yes, Komui. I do need to do this. And it's because of how much I love you." He held Komui close.

Komui, shocked and speechless, hadn't a word to say, he just embraced the moment, along with Jeryy, and the two of them remained there in silence.

**-|Back in the main room of the café.|-**

"How did you even manage to _taste_ all of those cakes at the rate you were inhaling them, anyway, fuckball?" The Japanese teen questioned, not forgetting to add a rude, unnecessary, impolite, vulgar name to refer to me. He then made an odd noise, which I assumed was his attempt and failure at a laugh from the extra angry, frustrated state he was still in from having to explain to me the wonders of human anatomy and the reproductive system. Prior to this, of course, I had always believed that babies came from belly-buttons.

Anyway, of course, in my own mentally weakened state, I was extremely embarrassed to hear the word fuck, and my face changed from its normal near-lack of pigment, to a lovely shade of bright pink, or, at least Lavi told me later that it was a lovely shade, and I stuttered, "I... I NEVER D-D..."

I was interrupted by Lavi, "Whoa, whoa, easy, brit! I don't think he meant it that way! Kanda just likes profanity." He clapped the dark-haired male on the shoulder.

Kanda seemed confused for a moment, and then, realizing the meaning I had taken from his statement, turned red. "Stupid little British fucker." He grunted.

Lavi snickered, "Looks like someone's got the hots, for you, Aaallleeen~." He joked, gesturing toward Kanda with an outstretched finger.

"Stupid fucking ginger pirate." The angry Asian continued in his favorite pastime, spouting obscene language, insults, and obscene language in the form of insults.

"At least pirates get rum and prostitutes! What do ninjas get, huh?" Lavi taunted him further.

Kanda stood up abruptly, knocking his seat to the ground in the process. "You wanna go, punk?" He punched the air in front of him as if to foreshadow Lavi's near and imminent future.

Lavi's snicker turned into an uproarious laughter. "First you're hitting on the kid, and now me?" He calmed down, his laughter stopped, and he looked at Kanda mock-seductively. By this point, I had assumed that this was going to get ugly pretty quickly, so I removed my rear from its cushy soft place and worked my way around the table to get in between the two and break up the fight before it started. "I've never seen this side of you, big boy." Lavi purred jokingly, then ducked out of the way just in time for Kanda's fist to hit me in the gut.

"N-nice.. t-timing, L-Lavi." I muttered between gasps for air, and was shortly lying unconscious on the ground once more only moments later.

Lenalee, of course, with her incredibly innocent, fluffy cotton candy, sugar coated, fuzzy kitten, girlish mind, had no idea what the three of us were on about that whole time, and had been staring blankly at the goings-on until my head hit the carpet.

* * *

Hurray for misused adjectives! Yes, I know what I'm doing, but that doesn't mean I have to act like I do. :)

ALSO: Character Introduction! I forgot to do this in the last chapter. o 3o

Name: Lenalee Lee  
*Very talkative.  
*Annoyingly sparkly in everything she does.  
*Whiny.  
*Likes cute things way too much.  
*Like, says, "like," like, a lot. Like, yeah.  
*Split personality...? Hmmm...


End file.
